My Curse

The definition of empathy, according to dictionary.com is: The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another. Have you ever taken one of those spiritual gifts tests?  I have, and on every single one 'empathy' was always on the top of my gifts list.  Only-is it really a gift?

During this season of my life I'm going to focus on loving others.  Not because it's my choice, but because apparently God has decided that's what I should be doing with my time.  It seems like so many of the people near and dear to my heart are hurting right now-therefore, I hurt.

A family friend who is family in my heart is literally fighting for her life.  Not only does that break my heart for the struggle and uphill battle she is certainly going to face, but my mom's heart is breaking.  My closest girl friend has had to endure not one, but two surgeries in the past month.  One of these surgeries was on her thyroid, therefore, she could have a lifetime of medical side effects which scares her. 

Two of the best men I know have recently lost their jobs.  Both men are amazing and deserve the world, both have incredible potential.  It's not fair.  One of these men is very special to me and to see him walk through the uncertainty and pain is heartbreaking.  I see the rise and fall of emotion and I feel helpless because I cannot help.  I want to fix it, make it better, but I can't and that is frustrating.

Another close friend just laid her Granny to rest, only her Granny stepped in to be her mother when her mother wasn't a mother at all.  I know her heart is breaking and she is in pain.  Yet another wonderful friend has been dealing with a sick father and heartbroken mother for months now.  I can see her heart breaking.  She's putting on a brave face and standing tall even though I know she wants to crumble.  Her faith and strength amazes me and inspires me.

I feel what those near and dear to my heart feel.  When they break-so do I.  This is why I cannot sleep, why my mind never stops, why I feel helpless to do anything to help any of the these WONDERFUL people.  This is my curse.  God is challenging me, testing me, forcing me to walk through the pain-put my own trials and problems aside in order to be an asset to my friends and family.  Many of them need a rock, a safe place to fall, so-that's what I'll be, a rock.  Some just need a cheerleader or a smile, so that's what I'll do-cheer and smile.  I'm a fighter and I will fight for those I love-I'm ready for this fight.