Chapter 1: Take off the hazy glasses, friend...

Chapter 1 covered the “what if” fears.  …There are two sides to the “what if” coin that must be addressed to really recognize it as a stronghold. The first idea is that something might happen in the future, and the second is the fear that we made a poor decision in the past and life could have resulted differently (pg. 22-23).  We all play the “what if” game from time to time.  I know it’s something that I’ve struggled with; especially in times that I’m feeling particular insecure.  You know this mind game: What if he decides he doesn’t love me?  What if I had made a different decision?  What if the worst case scenario happens?  What if I didn’t have that miscarriage?  What if, what if, what if.  For me, this is a dangerous game.  It messes with my head, makes me feel even more insecure, and only offers more questions but no answers. Some people would just say, “Then quit asking “what if”, problem solved!”  Oh, silly silly simpletons! Easier said than done.  So, what do we do?

Angie Smith says, In real life, lots of things could go wrong (pg. 18) and I had to be in charge or everything would fall apart (pg. 19).  Man, I can relate to those two statements.  I think many of us have control issues.  It’s safe to assume that many of us know it too, but don’t relate that need to control as being directly related to fear.   I’ve seen things go wrong in my own life, so I know the truth to her first statement.  I think in times where we are fearful, we grasp to control anything we can get our hands on.  The problem is we forget that REALLY, we aren’t in control at all.  Our Father is.  The only thing we can control is where we put our trust.  Do we put more trust in ourselves, or in Him.

I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?  What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56:11

Further in the chapter, Angie discusses the story of Hagar, Sarah and Abraham found in Genesis.  The Lord promised Sarah and Abraham that He would bless them with a child.  As time went on and there were no children, Sarah became impatient and decided to take control of the situation herself and convinced her husband to sleep with Hagar so that he could produce an heir.  Well, the plan worked and Hagar had a son.  Years later, God did provide Sarah and Abraham with a child, just like He promised.  Sarah becomes jealous and she tells Abraham to make Hagar and her son leave, which he does.  In Genesis 21, we find Hagar and her dying son in the desert.  Hagar has no food or water for her son and knowing he is going to die, she places him in a bush because she cannot bear to witness his death.  The Lord hears the cries and sends an angel to Hagar to find out what the problem is.  We all know that the Lord knew exactly what Hagar was facing at that moment.  The Lord then opens Hagar’s eyes and she sees a well of water that will save her son.  Scripture does not tell us that He provided the well of water, or made one appear from thin air.  He opened her eyes to what was there all along, what she could not see through her fear.

I actually discussed this story a few weeks ago sitting on the banks of Lake Atitlan in Guatemala early in the morning with Kristen, Erin and Alexis.  I can relate to Hagar and what she saw when her eyes were finally opened.  I used to look back on my miscarriage and divorce through the lenses of fear fogged glasses and only see pain.  I could literally feel the pain of the events because the highlight reel would only show me the worst parts, the parts that left the scars.  As my relationship with the Lord has deepened, I have been blessed with a different perspective.  Through a lot of prayer and God’s generous grace alone, the hazy glasses have been removed.  Now, I look back on my failed marriage and see it for what it was, the good and the bad.  I can see where I am to blame and how to avoid the same pitfalls in a future marriage.  I can see how God has restored me from the pain of the miscarriage.  I used to say that I’d never have children; just thought of the possibility of another miscarriage sent me into a state of panic and fear.  I would’ve chosen to never be a mom than experience that kind of pain ever again.  Now, although I know that a miscarriage is a possibility, I don’t fear.  I know that the Lord will get me through anything, even that worst case scenario.  I am willing to take a risk because I trust in the Lord with my entire being.  The situations I was faced with have not been altered, but the pain has been lessened and the fear removed. Now, when I look back, I see God in all situations even though I didn’t know Him yet.  He knew me and was with me the whole time.

I prayed and asked the Lord for help, He provided.  He always does.  I think that is the answer to winning the game of “what if’s”.  Just ask for help.  God knows our heads and our hearts better than anyone, He created us.  He knows when we struggle, where our weaknesses are, and how to help us.  All He asks of us is to trust Him.  When we ask the question, “Where are you God?”, if we listen closely, we’ll hear Him say, “I’m right here, my child, I always have been and I always will be.”

But I trust in your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me. Psalm 13:5

Next week, Chapter 2: Fear of abandonment, rejection and betrayal…oh my.

Wake up, step out, and start reading....

I'm feeling a press and if I’ve learned anything these past few years, it’s that I should listen to those promptings and act.  So I will be obedient.

About 8 months ago I was at Barnes and Noble with the fabulous Kristen Hill browsing through the Christian book section when I came across What Women Fear by Angie Smith.  I read the chapter titles and thought, “Hmmm, this looks like something I need to read.”  Then small group started and we got busy and I forgot all about the book.  Then, a few months ago, Kevin Queen did a whole Sunday sermon based on a few points of Angie Smith’s book.  My desire to read it was renewed again.  It arrived in the mail last weekend.

I started reading the introduction today on my lunch break and I a prompt that I should share my thoughts about this book with whoever reads this blog.  So, that is exactly what I will do.  I will blog my way through this book, revealing the good, bad, and the ugly that results.  I have no idea what this book is about or how it will affect me, but I am pretty confident that the topics it touches on are some of the things that hold us all back from living the life that God had planned for us.  I also don’t think these issues are ‘Women Only’ issues.  I think we all have fears of the what if’s, rejection, death, our past, and not being significant, which are some of the chapter topics.  I think we can all stand to face these fears head on with the insight, security and wisdom that only our Father can provide.

Consider this your formal invitation to read through the book with me, or simply read the blog and see if anything I say applies to you and your struggles.  There are 10 chapters and I hope to make 1 post a week.  I encourage your comments too; it’s no fun to have a book club by yourself.  I’ll be open and honest if you will.  Our adventure starts next week!

Extraordinary

Is there anything a mother wouldn’t do for her young?  I came across an article in Time about extraordinary mommies in the animal world and I found it fascinating.

The African Elephant.  They are pregnant for 22 months.  That’s almost 2 years!  Then, their reward?  A 200 pound baby.  200 pounds.  The work doesn’t stop there either.  They will nurse their young for approximately 4 to 6 years and most baby elephants won’t live to see adulthood. 

Orangutans, in the wild, live in the tree tops of Asia.  They live their entire lives in the trees, meaning, an orangutan mom will build about 30,000 tree houses for her family in a lifetime.  They also nurse their babies the longest of any other mammal, until the young of 6 or 7 years old.  On top of all that, they very rarely even put their baby down, choosing to carry it around all that time, even while building all those homes.  

A Koala bear, despite the confusing name, is not even a bear at all but a marsupial.  She will keep her young in her pouch for 6 months where it mooches off mom.  Then, the little joey crawls out of the pouch and right onto mom’s back where it stays for another 6 months.  Talk about a cling on.

I would argue that the polar bear has one of the easiest births in the animal world because she delivers while in her den…hibernating.  She’s asleep!  The cubs will then nurse until it’s time to finally wake up.  At this point, mom has usually been fasting for 8 months.  Can you imagine waking up after not eating for 8 months to find 2 little rugrats that were not there when you went to sleep and all you can think about is eating a seal?!  Not an ideal way to wake up, if you ask me.

Then, perhaps the most tragic of all animal moms, the Giant Pacific Octopus.  Her one goal in life is to have babies.  She will lay about 200,000 eggs in a den and will then stay there, guarding and protecting her eggs at all costs.  She will not leave them and has even been known to eat one of her own arms instead of leaving her eggs to go hunt!  Then her babies hatch and float off into the ocean leaving mom so weak she can’t hunt and cannot possibly defend herself against attackers, which is how her life usually ends.  

Then there’s the human mom.  When thinking about what makes a human mom stand out, I thought about how most moms in the animal world kick their kids out when they’re done nursing and learning.  They don’t hang around in big family groups most of the time.  Now, think of human moms.  How many 20 or 30 something’s do you know still living at home with mom?  Their job doesn’t stop when we’re 18.  They are constantly giving motherly advice, bailing us out, and supporting us in numerous ways throughout our lives. They don’t give up on their kids.  They stand behind them through thick and thin, forever.  The role of being a human mom never ends.  For that, they should get an award.  For all you moms out there, especially my own, thank you for all you do.  Happy Mother’s Day.

What is grace....

What is grace, really?  After a discussion in small group, I started thinking about what grace really means.  Is there a difference between grace given to us by God and grace that we show to one another?  What does it look like to give too much grace, or not enough?  I can I improve on the grace I show to others?  

First, God’s grace is generally accepted to be unmerited and undeserved favor, kindness, forgiveness and acceptance.  To some, grace is at the center of their faith and relationship with the Lord.  I even wear a bracelet with the inscription “Saved by grace through faith on 5/29/2011 Ephesians 2:8”.  But, what does the gift of God’s grace really mean?  Is it a gift or a given?  For some, it’s a get out of jail free card.  A free pass of sorts.  They can sin, mess up, wrong God and others and EXPECT God to extend grace to them and their actions.  Then, they repeat the same sins and the cycle continues.  To others, it’s viewed as the greatest gift that God could give them.  After all, isn’t Jesus grace in the flesh?  Wasn’t His enormous act of sacrifice the greatest example of grace that we can point to in history?  

What is grace between those of us non-celestial beings then?  If we’re striving to be like Jesus, shouldn’t we show grace too?  What does that look like?  How should it be done?  Can we give too much grace?  Someone could take advantage of that.  They could treat us poorly, over and over, knowing we will continue to forgive.  We may grow accustom to turning a blind eye to clear problems.  What about the opposite?  Not enough grace can be just as harmful.  The person who doesn’t provide enough grace can become judgmental, arrogant, and infallible in their own eyes.  

What if there was and should be a happy medium?  When Jesus met a prostitute or thief who asked for forgiveness, did he give it freely without pointing out what they did and how it was wrong?  No.  What he did do was call attention to their wrong doings, forgave them and extended grace with the expectation that they would not repeat the same sin knowingly.  He didn’t walk around passing out free passes to sin.  So, shouldn’t we do the same?  If a friend of mine is sinning, no matter how small or large, am I showing grace or by not calling them out when they ask for my opinion or when they affect me personally?  Am I doing any favors to my friend by just letting it go?  No, I don’t think so.  At the same time, being harsh and not accepting an apology or the believing notion that the foul was intentional despite being told differently is also wrong.  That is not what Jesus would do either.  

So, after some reflection and prayer, I know where I am weakest in regards to grace.  I know the area’s that I need to improve on because I certainly lean towards the harsher side of grace.  I could give it more freely and push my own selfish emotions to the side for the greater good.  As I learn and grow, I hope that others extend that same gift of grace to me, knowing that I am far from perfect but understanding that I am a work in progress.  How are you doing with grace?

In Christ Alone

In Christ Alone. Powerful words spoken by Pastor Ryan Britt as he addressed a bunch of single adults this past weekend. They really resonated with me for some reason. As many of you know, a relationship with the Lord is new to me. I was exposed to church as a child, but not taught how to have a personal relationship with the One who created me. I think that my view on God and what it means to be in a relationship with Him is fresh, clean, untarnished by years of good intentioned misguiding. Maybe that is why 'In Christ Alone' hit home.

I am constantly impressed that God sought me out. He came to find me and pursed me until I couldn't ignore His call anymore. It baffles me to this day. Why did He want me? Why did He get so loud in His pursuit? Why did He try so hard? I hadn't done much to make Him proud in my life. I had turned my back on Him more times than I could count without even knowing it. His grace, faithfulness, and unending mercy blows my mind. I don't deserve it. None of us do.

So, what does 'In Christ Alone' really mean to me? I think Ryan Britt was able to articulate what I have felt since I gave my heart to Christ. I have a great job that I am successful at. I get to work in a field I love, encourage people, think and be challenged daily. Why? Because God allows it. I was able to quit smoking cold turkey after 12 years of addiction. How? Because I prayed and God answered. I was able to walk out of a challenging past into a peaceful and hopeful future, how? Because God loves me. Nothing I do is of me. Nothing. Everything that I am, think, do, feel, experience and accomplish is from Him.

It is not my life. It is a gift of time from the Lord. A gift to treasure and not take for granted. I don't do what I do to because I want to be good to go to heaven. I couldn't do enough good with my time here to even come close to earning at ticket into heaven. None of us can. But, I will spend my life thanking God for His undeserving gifts in my life. I will try everyday to be even slightly worthy of His affections. I cannot even begin to understand the love He has for all of us, even those far from Him. I'm just in awe. In Christ Alone all things are possible. Thank you God.

Mirror, Mirror.....

Change.  Some of you reading this just cringed at the mere sight of the word.  Why is the concept of change so frightening?  Why do people avoid it?  Why does it cause stress and anxiety to a majority of people?  In my opinion, change is the hardest when it is an internal change that needs to be made.  That means that you are the only one in control of that change, which takes a lot of courage.  When a policy changes at work, someone else is usually driving it, you just need to adapt.  However, when the change that needs to happen is YOU, it can be a hard pill to swallow because it means you aren’t perfect after all and that you could actually use some improvement.

After a lot of prayer, reading, and self-reflection, I realized that I am not as great as I thought I was.  I am a terrible communicator.  Like, really terrible.  I struggle with many areas of communication, and like a lot of women, I assume things.  I have learned that as a general rule, when I assume something-it’s usually wrong.  Not just a little wrong either, it’s a lot wrong-off the charts wrong.  Only, when I’m in the middle of that assumption, it’s real and I have an emotional reaction to this made up scenario in my head.  What does that lead to?  Problems.   Unfortunately, this is just the tip of my iceberg of communication problems.

So, I came to a crossroads when I turned the mirror on myself.  I have 2 choices.  Put in the hard work and hopefully see results and benefits or do nothing and continue to make others and myself unhappy.  I make it sound easy, but it really isn’t.  You see, admitting that I need to change means that I admit that something is wrong with me, not everyone else, me.   That is really hard to do.  We all want to think of ourselves and better than average examples of what a human being should act like.  That we’ve got it all together and that we’re doing pretty darn good at this life stuff.  When, in reality, that is far from the truth.

I am willing to put in the work to improve myself.  I am not above admitting that I am far from perfect and that I suck at something.  I may even need help or fall back or hit rough patches in my journey to better communication.  That’s ok too.  I’m expecting it and I’m ready for it.  Humility is my friend right now.  If life has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I’m resilient, I don’t give up, and I expect the best-especially of myself.  So I am confident that I will change and that it’s not going to be as frightening as I thought it would be.

If you turned the mirror on yourself, what will you see?  Is there an area where you know you need to improve?  What’s stopping you?

Look up....

Nobody is immune.  We all feel it.  We all suffer from it.  We all make decisions based on it.  Worry.  It’s everywhere.  We worry about out jobs, money, relationships, what others think of us, what we think of ourselves, the future, the past….the list is endless.  As I type this, I’m being tested, literally.  Text messages coming in that cause me a great deal of stress and worry.  My mood literally changes because worry tends to have the power of taking over your life and thoughts.  So, if we all struggle with this, what can we do about it?!  I know when I am faced with a problem; I have to break it down into small manageable parts.  Walk with me for a minute.

I found a few verses that speak to worry that really hit home for me.

Matthew 6:25, Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? NIV

Matthew 6:34, Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.  NIV

Philippeans 4:6, Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done. NLT

What can we take from these?  Don’t look back at the past, it can’t be rewritten.  Don’t look beyond the present into the future because it has yet to been written.  Don’t look around and compare yourself with others.  Look up at the only thing that matters.  Worry is pretty pointless when we’re looking up at God.  We need to pray to our Father about what is on our minds, what is causing us stress and worry, spill our guts to Him.  After all, He already knows everything.  We just need to confide in Him and trust Him to provide what we actually need, not just what we think we need or want.  

I know this sounds like a really cheesy simple answer.  But, I’ve found that with God at the wheel, everything is easy, it’s the trusting Him that’s hard.  I know I could improve in this area, can you?

Funks and Resolutions...

New Year…new resolutions, right?  I’ve never been one to make resolutions.  Mostly because I could never stick to them, so to avoid failure, I stopped making them.  Brilliant, I know!  This year is a little different though.  A personal funk has brought about a new resolve for the New Year.  

The past few months have been rough for me.  I’ve been challenged, felt down and defeated, frustrated and somewhere along the way I’ve lost my confidence.  In conversations with friends, I know I am not alone in this personal battle right now.  I have been praying for help and direction on how to get out of this mess for a while now.  The past few days, I’ve received some answers.  First, the series at church is about digging in and overcoming obstacles.  Hello.  Right on time.  Then, I happened to read 2 things today that helped me, so I am going to share so that it might help you too.  

First, leave it to Jon Acuff to put a great spin on feeling like you aren’t hearing God (http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2012/01/the-beautiful-reason-god-might-not-be-talking-to-you-right-now/).  Thank you Leverage Community for the great post on Facebook!  I never got that out of reading the prodigal son parable, even though, I studied a whole book on it once.  I found it comforting and just knowing that Mr. Acuff stuggles with the same things I do helped.

Second, 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself (http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/) was posted by my friend, Lisa, on Facebook and I read it.  There are some of the typical things like, stop living in the past or stop letting people get you down.  There were a few that stood out to me but one of the 30 literally jumped out at me.  This is my resolution.

29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen - Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

This, unfortunately, is one of my character flaws.  I focus on the negative.  I always have.  It’s not that I don’t see the positive things, I do – but the negative things or the things I fear are always trying to take the place of the sunshine and happiness I’m seeing.  For example, I have an AMAZING boyfriend who actually really likes me and instead of focusing on that, I get scared that I’m going to lose him.  This is the wrong thing to do.  Instead, I need to focus on our future, because it is certainly full of sunshine and happiness.  

Easier said than done.  It’s easy to worry about things, what will happen if my heat breaks, what if I lose my job, what if I don’t like my new hair cut, what if they don’t like me….I could go on and on.  These thoughts only lead to assumptions and those assumptions are likely wrong.  When all you see is negative your world will become dark.  God is light.  Let the light in, it’s what He wants for us!  

My resolution: Pray for light to shine bright in my life and to stop focusing on what I don’t want to happen and start focusing on what I do want to happen.  Stay tuned, I think 2012 is going to be a great year.  I will find my confidence in my faith, myself, and my relationships again.  I am resilient, after all, God made me this way!