Chapter 1: Take off the hazy glasses, friend...

Chapter 1 covered the “what if” fears.  …There are two sides to the “what if” coin that must be addressed to really recognize it as a stronghold. The first idea is that something might happen in the future, and the second is the fear that we made a poor decision in the past and life could have resulted differently (pg. 22-23).  We all play the “what if” game from time to time.  I know it’s something that I’ve struggled with; especially in times that I’m feeling particular insecure.  You know this mind game: What if he decides he doesn’t love me?  What if I had made a different decision?  What if the worst case scenario happens?  What if I didn’t have that miscarriage?  What if, what if, what if.  For me, this is a dangerous game.  It messes with my head, makes me feel even more insecure, and only offers more questions but no answers. Some people would just say, “Then quit asking “what if”, problem solved!”  Oh, silly silly simpletons! Easier said than done.  So, what do we do?

Angie Smith says, In real life, lots of things could go wrong (pg. 18) and I had to be in charge or everything would fall apart (pg. 19).  Man, I can relate to those two statements.  I think many of us have control issues.  It’s safe to assume that many of us know it too, but don’t relate that need to control as being directly related to fear.   I’ve seen things go wrong in my own life, so I know the truth to her first statement.  I think in times where we are fearful, we grasp to control anything we can get our hands on.  The problem is we forget that REALLY, we aren’t in control at all.  Our Father is.  The only thing we can control is where we put our trust.  Do we put more trust in ourselves, or in Him.

I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?  What can mere mortals do to me? Psalm 56:11

Further in the chapter, Angie discusses the story of Hagar, Sarah and Abraham found in Genesis.  The Lord promised Sarah and Abraham that He would bless them with a child.  As time went on and there were no children, Sarah became impatient and decided to take control of the situation herself and convinced her husband to sleep with Hagar so that he could produce an heir.  Well, the plan worked and Hagar had a son.  Years later, God did provide Sarah and Abraham with a child, just like He promised.  Sarah becomes jealous and she tells Abraham to make Hagar and her son leave, which he does.  In Genesis 21, we find Hagar and her dying son in the desert.  Hagar has no food or water for her son and knowing he is going to die, she places him in a bush because she cannot bear to witness his death.  The Lord hears the cries and sends an angel to Hagar to find out what the problem is.  We all know that the Lord knew exactly what Hagar was facing at that moment.  The Lord then opens Hagar’s eyes and she sees a well of water that will save her son.  Scripture does not tell us that He provided the well of water, or made one appear from thin air.  He opened her eyes to what was there all along, what she could not see through her fear.

I actually discussed this story a few weeks ago sitting on the banks of Lake Atitlan in Guatemala early in the morning with Kristen, Erin and Alexis.  I can relate to Hagar and what she saw when her eyes were finally opened.  I used to look back on my miscarriage and divorce through the lenses of fear fogged glasses and only see pain.  I could literally feel the pain of the events because the highlight reel would only show me the worst parts, the parts that left the scars.  As my relationship with the Lord has deepened, I have been blessed with a different perspective.  Through a lot of prayer and God’s generous grace alone, the hazy glasses have been removed.  Now, I look back on my failed marriage and see it for what it was, the good and the bad.  I can see where I am to blame and how to avoid the same pitfalls in a future marriage.  I can see how God has restored me from the pain of the miscarriage.  I used to say that I’d never have children; just thought of the possibility of another miscarriage sent me into a state of panic and fear.  I would’ve chosen to never be a mom than experience that kind of pain ever again.  Now, although I know that a miscarriage is a possibility, I don’t fear.  I know that the Lord will get me through anything, even that worst case scenario.  I am willing to take a risk because I trust in the Lord with my entire being.  The situations I was faced with have not been altered, but the pain has been lessened and the fear removed. Now, when I look back, I see God in all situations even though I didn’t know Him yet.  He knew me and was with me the whole time.

I prayed and asked the Lord for help, He provided.  He always does.  I think that is the answer to winning the game of “what if’s”.  Just ask for help.  God knows our heads and our hearts better than anyone, He created us.  He knows when we struggle, where our weaknesses are, and how to help us.  All He asks of us is to trust Him.  When we ask the question, “Where are you God?”, if we listen closely, we’ll hear Him say, “I’m right here, my child, I always have been and I always will be.”

But I trust in your unfailing love.  I will rejoice because you have rescued me. Psalm 13:5

Next week, Chapter 2: Fear of abandonment, rejection and betrayal…oh my.