Mi corazón

I went into this mission trip with no expectations.  I didn’t know what to expect.  I put 100% of my faith in God that I would be where He needed me to be, doing what He needed me to do, and He would keep me safe and healthy the whole time.  Trust God, that’s all I needed to do to make this a successful trip.  I’m not ready to talk about the sad things I saw or the pain my heart felt.  I do want to share some bright moments though.

I tend to get frustrated because I don’t feel like I can hear God speak to me.  Either I don’t notice the little nudges or that’s just not how He speaks to me.  So, whenever He yells at me, I need to listen.  He certainly got my attention on the first night.  On the plane ride down, I sat next to Ashley McLean and through general conversation; I basically shared my testimony with her.  I didn’t think much of it, just sharing with a friend.  Then at dinner, Pastor Luis called for a few people to share their testimonies at church the next day.  He said that the people of Guatemala think that American’s have it easy, that we never struggle or have hardships such as divorce, addiction, let downs, ect.  So, I sat there, heart racing knowing that God was speaking to me.  Divorce, check.  Addiction, check.  Life’s let downs, check.  Then Ashley turns to me and says, “Do you feel that?”  Yes, Ashley, I did.  I knew that I was supposed to share my testimony.

After we ate, we sat around talking as a team and Sabrina Joseph shared her testimony.  Powerful does not even begin to describe it.  I sat there wondering why God wanted me to share my not so powerful story when Sabrina was also going to be sharing her’s.  Her story is miraculous, mine is just normal.  I can’t ignore God though, even though I wanted to, so I brushed off the self doubt and tried to prepare for the next morning.  

I gave my testimony with the translation help of Pastor Luis.  During that experience, God taught me a lesson.  Sometimes, it’s not about how your actions effect others, sometimes it’s just about obedience.  God spoke, I listened.  I could have ignored His request of me.  Instead, I obeyed.  Maybe my story wasn’t as powerful as Sabrina’s.  Maybe my story didn’t affect the Guatemalan people in a deep way.  It did affect my relationship with my Father, that’s what matters.

Joy.  That’s what I saw in the innocent eyes of the precious children.  Pure joy.  They have nothing, but they don’t know it.  They love freely, smile all the time, and care for perfect strangers.  We could all learn from them.  I have everything but still want for more.  I can easily put a wall up and not love.  I could serve more, care more.  Those babies gave me more than I could ever give them.  I clearly saw my faults and I will work on them.  I will forget how to build my walls.  I will open my heart more.  I will be more thankful.  I will give more of myself away.

I was also blessed to be on this trip with someone very dear to me, mi novio-Matt.  Having someone by my side that I trust 100% was such a blessing.  I was able to see this wonderful man doing wonderful things.  I got to see him interact with kids for the first time.  He was amazing with them and they loved him.  I was standing in the church in Panyebar and looked out the window to see him scoop up a little girl, hug her tightly, and spin around with her in his arms.  My heart melted.  I was also able to see him as a leader.  He led devotionals one night and he knocked it out of the park.  He is more encouraging and faithful than I ever knew.  I am so blessed that God allowed me to see Matt in this light.  It made me that much more thankful to be his girlfriend and to have been given a second chance with him.  The future is looking brighter and brighter everyday.

So, that’s just a little touch of what I was given by Guatemala.  There is no way that I could ever repay the people for what they have taught me.  My heart is open and beating loudly, it will never be the same.