The big 3 ohhhhhhh......

30… Ouch.  The thought of actually, for real, undeniably being 30 years old in a few weeks is not pleasant.  I don’t know what it is, 30 really isn’t that old.  It’s just not 20 or 16.  Those numbers exude youth and vibrancy.  30 sounds like responsibility and the beginning of aches, pains, sagging, wrinkles and the occasional grey hairs popping up.  

I seem to find myself reflecting on my life.  Where I thought I would be and where I actually am.  I wanted to be lots of things ‘When I Grow Up’.  First up, dolphin trainer.  This career goal started around the age of 7 or so and continues to enter my mind from time to time, kind of like the ‘dream that got away’. I wanted to live on the ocean and play with dolphins all day everyday.  I read everything I could get my little hands on about dolphins and seriously considered myself an expert on the species.  I felt confident that I could do the job better than anyone else, including any adult with the proper qualifications who was currently doing my dream job.  The fact that I needed the Hope scholarship to go to college and the University of Miami’s marine biology school was in Florida, where I couldn’t use that scholarship, killed my dream.

At some point around 11 or 12 I decided I wanted to be a doctor.  First it was a Pediatrician then I narrowed it down to an Anesthesiologist.  After all, the way I saw it, they didn’t have to do very much and made a boat load of money.  Then I learned that instead of 4 years of college, it was more like 10+ to accomplish this goal.  I gave up on having an MD after my name.

What do you get when you combine animals and medicine?  My job.  It’s kind of funny, I literally combined aspects of those two dreams to come up with the career I settled on and pursued.  It all worked out.  Although, I would still move to the Bahamas to be a dolphin trainer if given the chance.

I always thought people who were 30 had it all figured out.  That they had their stuff together.  Ha!  I was really wrong.  I don’t have anything figured out other than a few things:

• There is a God and I trust Him and I will spend my life following Him.
• Ranch dressing goes with everything
• Sparkly things will always catch my eye
• People falling down, mascots, and funny animals will never get old
• There’s no sense in stressing out about things I have no control over
• If I make life plans and timelines, God laughs.
• Good friends are hard to come by and worth holding onto

Let’s be honest, I’m not where I thought I would be at 30.  I don’t have the husband or perfect little mini-me’s running around or the high paying job that is super rewarding.  And since we're being honest....it's totally ok that I don't have those things.  I have plenty of time for those things, if it's what God wants for my life.  I do have a lot of great friends, some really stellar key players in my life, a great job that can take me places, a good heart, a lot of hope, and a lot of faith.  It's not what I thought of my life when I thought of 'Jenny at 30', but it's exactly where I need to be.  I’ve seen what God can do with little ‘ole me in a short period of time and I can honestly say I’ve never been so excited about my future.  It’s looking brighter and brighter every single day.  Bring it on 30!

Mi corazón

I went into this mission trip with no expectations.  I didn’t know what to expect.  I put 100% of my faith in God that I would be where He needed me to be, doing what He needed me to do, and He would keep me safe and healthy the whole time.  Trust God, that’s all I needed to do to make this a successful trip.  I’m not ready to talk about the sad things I saw or the pain my heart felt.  I do want to share some bright moments though.

I tend to get frustrated because I don’t feel like I can hear God speak to me.  Either I don’t notice the little nudges or that’s just not how He speaks to me.  So, whenever He yells at me, I need to listen.  He certainly got my attention on the first night.  On the plane ride down, I sat next to Ashley McLean and through general conversation; I basically shared my testimony with her.  I didn’t think much of it, just sharing with a friend.  Then at dinner, Pastor Luis called for a few people to share their testimonies at church the next day.  He said that the people of Guatemala think that American’s have it easy, that we never struggle or have hardships such as divorce, addiction, let downs, ect.  So, I sat there, heart racing knowing that God was speaking to me.  Divorce, check.  Addiction, check.  Life’s let downs, check.  Then Ashley turns to me and says, “Do you feel that?”  Yes, Ashley, I did.  I knew that I was supposed to share my testimony.

After we ate, we sat around talking as a team and Sabrina Joseph shared her testimony.  Powerful does not even begin to describe it.  I sat there wondering why God wanted me to share my not so powerful story when Sabrina was also going to be sharing her’s.  Her story is miraculous, mine is just normal.  I can’t ignore God though, even though I wanted to, so I brushed off the self doubt and tried to prepare for the next morning.  

I gave my testimony with the translation help of Pastor Luis.  During that experience, God taught me a lesson.  Sometimes, it’s not about how your actions effect others, sometimes it’s just about obedience.  God spoke, I listened.  I could have ignored His request of me.  Instead, I obeyed.  Maybe my story wasn’t as powerful as Sabrina’s.  Maybe my story didn’t affect the Guatemalan people in a deep way.  It did affect my relationship with my Father, that’s what matters.

Joy.  That’s what I saw in the innocent eyes of the precious children.  Pure joy.  They have nothing, but they don’t know it.  They love freely, smile all the time, and care for perfect strangers.  We could all learn from them.  I have everything but still want for more.  I can easily put a wall up and not love.  I could serve more, care more.  Those babies gave me more than I could ever give them.  I clearly saw my faults and I will work on them.  I will forget how to build my walls.  I will open my heart more.  I will be more thankful.  I will give more of myself away.

I was also blessed to be on this trip with someone very dear to me, mi novio-Matt.  Having someone by my side that I trust 100% was such a blessing.  I was able to see this wonderful man doing wonderful things.  I got to see him interact with kids for the first time.  He was amazing with them and they loved him.  I was standing in the church in Panyebar and looked out the window to see him scoop up a little girl, hug her tightly, and spin around with her in his arms.  My heart melted.  I was also able to see him as a leader.  He led devotionals one night and he knocked it out of the park.  He is more encouraging and faithful than I ever knew.  I am so blessed that God allowed me to see Matt in this light.  It made me that much more thankful to be his girlfriend and to have been given a second chance with him.  The future is looking brighter and brighter everyday.

So, that’s just a little touch of what I was given by Guatemala.  There is no way that I could ever repay the people for what they have taught me.  My heart is open and beating loudly, it will never be the same.